A Smoothie Experiment

We still have lots of peaches, and lots of cans of peaches left from last year.
My tummy wanted a snack. And I had empty Popsicle molds calling my name.

I decided to make a banana-peach smoothie....and made extras for some smoothie Popsicles too.

I used 2 containers of yobaby banana yogurt.

I use flavored yogurt for all my smoothies. No matter what I try I just cannot get used to the taste of plain yogurt.

About 2 peaches. I did not chop mine up. Since they were so moist from canning, they did pretty well in the blender. But if this were a fresh peach, some chopping would definitely be suggested.

About a cup of milk & half a cup of ice cubes.

After blending I poured myself a glass. (We're getting ready for football season around here, can you tell?)

Like I said this was an experiment. Next time I experiment I'll use less milk, and more ice. Probably less yogurt too, but not much. It wasn't too over-powering.

The rest went into the Popsicle molds.

Though the banana yogurt didn't overpower the smoothie too much, the Popsicles were definitely banana. Very little peach. So I guess I should definitely use less banana yogurt next time.

G enjoyed it and ate almost all of it.

(What she didn't eat was because she discovered it was fun to "paint" her legs with a Popsicle.)

Pondering life, love and the proper peach to banana ratio.

Homemade Butter

I've been pretty curious to try my hand at making butter for awhile.
(Go ahead and picture me wearing my best bonnet & working away at churning butter.)

Except it's SOOOO much easier.

There are 2 ways to do it.
The first is an awesome upper arm work out. Put some room-temp heavy cream in a resealable container (plastic container, glass jar, etc) and shake.
Shake.
Shake some more.
Continuously shake your container for awhile. (I've heard it can take as little as 3-5 minutes, when I did it it took me 15-20 mins. But I also was impatient and didn't allow my cream to reach room-temp.)

You will know it's butter time when you can hear stuff sloshing around in there. (Yes, this is a technical recipe.)

I'm sorry I didn't take any pictures of my first attempt, cause, well, my hands were busy. Everyone else in the room was too busy doubting me.

The 2nd time, I got smart:

I know, I know it's not organic cream. The store I was at didn't have organic cream! I figured since this was purely an experiment it would be ok. Shh. Don't tell the organic police.

Pour in your organic cream. Because only people who take the time to actually make their own butter would use organic. And flip that puppy on. (I used the 2nd slowest speed, honestly going up any higher scared the beejizums out of me. Cream trying to escape the bowl.)

It'll start to get frothy.

And this is the point that I walked away because I get bored & distracted easily and only ran back to the mixer when I heard the distinctive sloshing sound.

And I had this...

BUTTER!!!

I would say this took a little less than 10 minutes. But again, I was too impatient to let the cream get up to room temp.

And do you see that liquid stuff in the bowl? That's buttermilk. (The stuff they sell at the stores in cultured buttermilk, this is the real deal!) I already have lists of things to make with buttermilk.

Pour the contents of your bowl or container through a mesh strainer. Remove your butter solids from the strainer and work it with a fork in a bowl. More buttermilk will come out. This is where methods vary, but I worked the butter with the fork, dumped it back into the strainer, then took it back out & worked it again. Probably 2 or 3 times.

Store your butter and buttermilk in the fridge.

The butter is good!! It could just be the simple extra taste of satisfaction, but I like the taste of satisfaction.

If you want salted butter, or want to get creative with flavored butter, add it to the cream before you start mixing or shaking. There's really no tried & true "recipe" that I could find. I think this is a more 'go for your own taste' thing.



Hurry Up and...GO GO GO!!

Just a taste of our last 48 hours.

Wednesday Morning - Tyson's boss lets him go, because his boss is just the type of person who lets go a hard-working employee

Wednesday during my lunch break - Tyson & I sign the lease for our new apartment, hoping we can find a way to make ends meet while he's unemployed. Our move in date is set for Sept 10.

Wednesday afternoon - My boss's boss informs me that my working from home for our 8 months away might not be approved if I'm not willing to work full-time. But we also decide we all have plenty of time until we have to make decisions. (Famous. Last. Words.)

Wednesday night - On my knees, sobbing, I asked God to please help the military proceed with the next steps for Tyson's class to start in November. And to please guide me in how to handle what will happen with my employment. And He said to me "Just trust me".

Thursday morning - Tyson gets a phone call asking him that if all his paperwork is approved, would he be willing to start his class SEPTEMBER 12TH instead of the November 28th date we've been talking about.

Thursday at NOON - All paperwork is approved, and it's a go. Orders will be cut, probably, on Monday.

Thursday at 12:30 - Inform my boss that we no longer have the luxury of time on our side. In return, he informs me that he's already made it clear to his boss that if they don't let me work from home, regardless of how many hours I put in, our department will be.........well a very bad word is what he used, but you get the point.

Thursday at 12:58 - I work on taking deep breaths & stop trying to figure out the why, when, where, what & how. This is exciting!!! Of course it's the military and things could change again...but YAY!!

Mama's Intuition

I love me a good thunderstorm.

This past Sunday I had a rare moment of alone time - everyone was out running errands & G was napping. There was a storm brewing in the distance. The power had flickered a few times, so I decided to make sure all the TVs & computers in the house were off and I settled down in front of our big picture window to watch the storm roll in.

The lightning got closer, the thunder louder. I told myself if I saw another bolt of lighting get much closer in the field across the street that I would move from my perch at the window. The lightning didn't get any closer, but the hail started pelting the window.

I went to our back room (we all call it the no name room) to turn on the weather radio. None of the warning lights were on and it kept giving me weather for Niagara Falls. Um...I don't live near there, so it wasn't much help.

After fussing with the radio for a minute or 2, I looked up and realized the house looked like it was going through a car wash. Horizontal rain was hitting every side of the house.

This is what amazes me about being a Mom...I don't know if it was intuition, a pressure change in the atmosphere or not wanting to be alone...but I didn't wait another second in running upstairs & getting G from her crib.

She must've sensed it too, because she was wide awake and shot her arms up for me to get her out of there.

Heading down the stairs my mind was racing, deciding if we should sit in the shower in the bathroom, should we go to the basement (which gives me heebie jeebies) or should I just stand in the middle of the house, looking out the windows, ready to run to one of the locations if need be.
We hung out in the back room for a few minutes, Miss G just sitting on my lap, starring out the windows, not even trying to wiggle away from my grip. Luckily the storm started to subside before I could give where to go another thought. I was flooded with relief as I could no longer hear thunder and there was only the sound of light rain.

Like I said, I love a good thunderstorm but that was the most intense storm I've ever been in.  And I've been through 2 microbursts - one of which in a RV - and 3 hurricanes.

It turns out, a tornado had touched down not a mile & a half from where we were. Lots of homes, barns & crops have been damaged but luckily there was not one single injury. (To humans, some cows received scratches & bruises.) 

Tornadoes are a part of life in parts of this country, but certainly not this part. As you can imagine our little community is a buzz.

I learned 2 things from that storm: Never second guess a mama's intuition and the weather radio we have is useless.

Peach Muffins

Often at work we decide to have a "snack day" the following work day, about 30 minutes before we call it quits for our current day. I am a planner, and if I hadn't planned a trip to the store on the way home it doesn't happen. (Not to mention I'm not so keen to drop $5-$10 just to participate with snack day.)

I knew we had a sad peach tree at home. Struggling under the weight of its fruit.

Of course, upon arriving home I noticed someone had PICKED the fruit...and it was no longer struggling. But you get the idea.

For about 4 minutes I considered just bringing peaches for snack day, and then realized that's kind of lame. So I scoured the Internet for some kind of peach snack that I had all the fixins for.

And I bring you...

PEACH MUFFINS!

Ingredients:
1/2 cup butter - softened
3/4 cup sugar
1 egg

1/2 cup sour cream

1  teaspoon vanilla

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

1 1/2 teaspoons baking power

1 cup peach - chopped

1 cup  pecans - chopped (optional) - I didn't use them this time around

Directions:
In a mixing bowl cream the butter & sugar

Add egg, sour cream and vanilla and mix well.

This was the first time during this process I was a little nervous. Sour cream? Really? Ok.

In a separate bowl mix the flour & baking powder together, then stir into creamed mixture until just moist

Fold in the peaches & pecans if using

Fill greased muffin cups three-quarters full. (Or in my case, use leftover liners from G's cupcake themed birthday party!)

This was the second time I was a little nervous. This was extremely thick & doughy. Of course I'm pretty sure this is the first time I've made muffins from scratch and not from one of those mixes (for shame!). So maybe this was a normal consistency? But if you fear that yours is too doughy, just go with it. It'll be okay!

Bake at 400 degrees Fahrenheit for 20 to 25 minutes.

Cool in pan 10 minutes.

Remove to wire rack to finish cooling.

I would have never thought of this on my own, and they were oh so good! The recipe explains that this could virtually be a recipe for any type of fruit. The peaches were good, but I may try a berry type fruit next time. The muffin had a cakey taste to it, and I think the berry sweetness might go well with that.

I apologize for the lack of picture of the finished product. It was late, and they were promptly devoured the next morning. They were very yummy, but probably could have baked just a few more minutes. (But our oven is on the fritz, so don't take my word for it on the length of time!)

Munchkin Doodles

***This was cross-posted with Munchkin Doodles***

So why another blog you ask?

Seeing how I want to start focusing on creating a homestead, without an actual homestead, on this here blog of mine...I decided to create a separate space for our adventures with Miss G.

I might cross post here & there....but I am totally a Type A person when it comes to keeping things in their separate & organized spaces.

So the new blog is called Munchkin Doodles - because we call G Munchkin Doodle (or just Doodle, or Doodlebug, or Ham Steak, but that's irrelevant...). And we're hoping that some day we'll have more than one munchkin and they will potentially be creating doodles all over my walls, floors & furniture...I decided to just go with it & make it a blog title.

So there you have it. Another blog for only 3 people to read. Wahoo!

We had our first week of Tot School....and you can read about that post right here.

101 in 1001 Update

Instead of doing separate posts for my progress on my 101 in 1001, I decided to keep the boring stuff stuck together, so if you didn't really care it'd be easier to skip over this way. :)

#4-11
Cheeseburger on the grill with all the fixings  - YUM! (A little secret, I didn't make it, but I watched other people and I did set the table & help cut the tomatoes. So it counts.)

Take G to Children's Museum - We had a wonderful time, and I could probably had made an entire post about this...but my heart stills hurts over accidentally deleting all the pictures from my memory card. The pictures from the children's museum were the ONLY ones not backed up on my computer yet.

Get Rid of Unnecessary Things - Well having 2 1/2 months notice to move, certainly helped put our butts in gear for this one. And of course we had the yard sale, so it's always nice to make a couple dollars on the process too. (Though a yard sale is a lot of work!!) The process is not yet over, but we're about 2/3 done, and it's safe to say that it'll get done this weekend or next. This is one that's a big relief to say it's almost completed.

Donate Items to Some  Place Other than Salvation Army - After our yard sale, all the remaining contents were packed up and <strikethrough>sent to the local rotary for their rummage sale</strikethrough> are waiting to be delivered to the rotary for their rummage sale.

Go on a date night with Tyson - Harry Potter 7 Part 2 - Need I say more?

Take G Swimming for the 1st Time - This was back on July 4th weekend. You can see the pictures here.
She actually swam in a lake and a pool, each for the 1st time, within 48 hours of each other. She is definitely a water baby. Loved it. You could tell she wanted to go on her own, hopefully she learns to swim early.

Eat Some Place New - Three places new,actually, and none that I'll be returning to. (One from the outside it looked like a casual, small town dinner. On the inside it was huge fancy portions and more $$ than we anticipated. Another is a local restaurant I drive by on a weekly basis, and I've always been curious. The food was good, but the prices a little extreme - an extra $1.25 for fries, on top of a 8 dollar burger! And the third place....gave me a belly ache.)

Write a letter to some place that did good - Too often people comment on places, or contact a company when something is bad, or has gone wrong. I have been trying hard to see the good in people, places & things. When writing my 101 list, I figured this would be a good exercise to concentrate on the good. (And I actually was encouraged further from reading Penny Pinchin' Mom - who has her Apple a Day posts.) I sent an email to Plum Organics because I love, love, love their food pouches for G.  Unfortunately, I never even received a reply email that they received my praising email. That was a bit of a disappointment, and actually lowered my opinion of them. I'm not going to lie, getting something in the mail (even a coupon) from them would have been great, but I didn't expect it. But to not even get a "Thanks for being a great customer and sharing your thoughts" email was a bit of a bummer.

Book Wormish

In the 7 weeks since I ranted & raved about how cool Goodreads.com is, I have to say that the site did encourage me to read more. I've read 4 books since then, and let me reassure you this is a record for me. It usually takes me quite some time to get through books, with the exception of reading a Harry Potter or Twilight book for the first time. (Though...I wouldn't suggest reading the 4th Twilight book while suffering with morning sickness...just an FYI.)

Though the most recent book I read left me slightly annoyed - and I'm still not quite sure why - so I dove back into reading Harry Potter from where I left off before my Goodreads discovery. I read during my lunch breaks, and considering my last 2 lunch breaks I've fallen asleep, I think it's time to pick out a book that I haven't already read 3 times and don't know the movie by heart. It's not really keeping my attention. (And I might want to consider going to bed a little earlier too.)

After creating a list of almost 300 books to read online, I told myself I would get a kindle. But now with moving, and potentially paying more for rent than we would really like to, the kindle has been put on the back burner.

While packing I've been putting aside all the books we own that I've yet to read. The majority of our books will be in storage for the next 1-2 years, until we finally own a home. However, the ones that I've been setting aside, will accompany us on our journeys. When this stack has been read, each book cover to cover....THEN it will be time for me to buy my kindle. (Hopefully I will be able to stash a little money here or there to have the funds for this reward.)

Of course there's no telling how long my "To Read" list on Goodreads will be by then.
Perhaps I should put down Harry Potter and getting cracking on this stack of books.
(And yes, Harry will be traveling with us too. I don't think I could go 2 years without reading at least one Harry Potter book.)

Tot School

As I’m learning to let go of the big things in life, I’m also learning that I need to have little projects or events that I can have some control over. One of those things I really want to focus on is introducing G to the world around her.

I started to get the idea to do some "home preschool" while we were in Mississippi for Tyson's training. Really, I believe that this will be more beneficial in the respect that the both of us will need the mental stimulation.  (And something for me to have a little control over and PLAN!)

I came across this wonderful site, Tot School. They have tons of printables & other goodies, but what I like most is that it encourages learning through purposeful play. There's also a weekly link up to share with other mom’s who are working with their little ones at home.

This is a perfect tool for me, because being the planner that I am - my original idea for school with G started out much more grand and structured than should be realistic for a 1 year old. (Complete with curriculum & lesson plans. I guess the 7 year old in me still wants to be a 1st grade teacher.)

Now that I've been brought back down to earth, I think we'll start off with purposeful play focusing on colors and go from there.  (Changing themes, and as she requires different stimulation & challenges we'll evolve from there.)

And now that I realize this is something that doesn’t have to require as much planning as I originally thought, we’ll start before the move. It’ll only be a day or two a week for now (it has to fit in between work & packing & enjoying summer activities), but I’m excited to get something started with Miss G.

One

I receive a daily emailed devotional from Proverbs 31 Ministries. It's often amazing how each devotional will touch what is going on with me, or clear what's clouding my head, today. I wonder how many women God speaks to through this one simple email.

Today's devotional was about how it "just takes one". One person, one word, one kind gesture to change the adversities you're going through. It rang so true to me. Just one thing can send ripple effects to so many others.

All it took was some vision loss for my grandpa, a word said to a friend, and a young Mennonite wanting his own farm to come knock on the door. At this moment it seems like we're all scrambling. My mom to find a storage unit and put her belongings in storage while she continues on her journey to find her "Grandma's" house. For Tyson & I to put the majority of our belongings in storage and rush to find an apartment to move into. My grandparents to now decide if they will own houses in NY & FL, or if they will move to FL full time.....they have more decisions than the rest of us combined. Yet the truth of this...is it is all such a good thing. From the moment I heard about the decision to sell the farm, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that this was Gods work. His name was written all over this.

It has only taken me venting about our moving situation to one coworker for her to inform me of the apartments she lived in, how they're remodeled and they have a lot available right now. (I hope they're as wonderful as she says, cause from what we could see in the pictures, this will be the biggest kitchen I've ever been able to call my own!)

There are some mornings when I wake up and the fire in me is not as bright & loud as it should be. Still there, still burning. But when the piles of things to pack are piling up and the boxes still sit empty, I get overwhelmed. My heart becomes heavy at the thought how much moving & resettling my daughter will go through in the next 2-3 years....it's a task to remind myself that this is all part of His plan. I can worry if I want, but it's really just wasted energy. And I need that energy to pack.

It just takes one.
It's easy to find comfort knowing we're just waiting for the next ONE to jump start our next season of life. We can enjoy today, because that's really the most important thing of all.

Busy Bee

This past weekend was full of lots of fun with extended family.
Unfortunately, I have a HUGE yard sale to get ready for this coming Saturday & Sunday...and I didn't do what I was supposed to do this weekend.

So that means right now I'm up to my eyeballs in yellow sticky price tags and trying to decide if we really need to keep 3 million stuffed animals. (G is only 16 months, how did she get that many already???)


Hopefully I'll be back to myself soon. :)

New Identity

I changed my name.
Well, actually, I changed the name of the blog.
And only in the banner.
But it makes me happy, so that's all that matters, right??

Acutally, I guess it has also changed in my state of mind.
Since becoming a 'mom' I have started obsessing over having a homestead for our family. I desperately want a homestead. And judging by the fact that G, completely unprovoked, carried her pail around the entire backyard "harvesting" black walnut seeds, I am guessing that she shares the same visions.

The one thing I'm learning as I grow with God is to make the most of what I have in front of me. Not to dwell on what I think I'm missing, or what I am waiting on.

Hence, the title change.

Just because simple things stand in my way, like not owning a land or even knowing where I'll be living in 3-5 months time, I should not allow myself to feel like life is on hold. Because it certainly is not.

So I'm starting a new chapter of life. Not waiting & dwelling, but DOING. There are things I can do now to make wherever we lay our heads, our homestead. With the way the next couple years could turn out, I may be really well rehearsed in these aspects of life, so when it finally comes time to LIVE on a homestead, I'll be ready to take on the chickens & the garden.

New name. New outlook. What'dya think??

Berry Picking

One of my favorite things about living at my grandparents' is the black raspberry bushes.

They used to be all over the property, but due to landscaping changes they are now limited to behind the garage, and one bush transplanted to the actual garden.

Many summers my grandma would send my grandpa & I outside with containers to fill. It was my special time with him. Moments I will always hold dear.

This year G was able to participate and she's become quite the pro.

She can pick out berries that are ready, those us "taller" people seem to overlook. (That's a lesson that I believe children could teach adults about most things in life.)

Of course there are some job hazards to berry picking with toddlers...

This memory is extra special, not only because I'm able to share something special with my grandpa & my daughter, but because within the past few weeks an offer has been placed on the farm.

It wasn't even on the market. Health changes for my grandpa had planted the seed of selling in my grandparents' mind, and God provided with a lovely young Mennonite family. Who will return the "farm" to an actual working farm again. It's what we had all hoped would happen. This precious land will be handed over to a family who will care for it & treat it properly.

Now we're all starring at the start of new adventures & experiences. As we all scramble to find a place to live by October 1st. (And not knowing when Tyson will be starting tech school in MS is certainly throwing a wrench into any plans he & I could possibly think up.)

For now though, I will not worry, lay it at God's feet, and enjoy the wonderful berries & memories He has provided.

G's Fourth of July Weekend - In Pictures

I know, that was 2+ weeks ago. Better late than never, right??

...Mom, please don't take a picture of me in this silly hat!

Pride

Patriotism is easy to come by on national holidays, but other days of the years it may not be as natural. Especially given that I don't seem to know one person who isn't disenchanted with the government in one aspect or another. Sometimes with those feelings it's easy to lose site of what a wonderfuly place we live.

Because of the number of family members we have that serve or have served in the military, I am always proud of the men & women who step up and serve this country. From those who made the ultimate sacrifice, to those who prepare food on naval vessels, they're all important!

The road that we live on is a state highway, and a few years ago was officially named The Vietnam Veterans Memorial Highway of Valor. For 3 years in a row there has been a motorcylce tribute ride for Vietnam Vets.
It a simple thing, but we all really enjoying watching as they ride by. There's really no way of knowing when the bikes will come through. This is a 98 mile ride, and we're about 20-30 miles from their final destination. We worked outside all afternoon waiting for the bikes to go by. (Porch chairs at the ready.)

Our porch was still decorated with red, white & blue from the recent holiday. A friend of the family lost his brother in Vietnam, so my mom & I made a poster board with his name and company information and displayed it along with some small flags stuck in the yard.

This is the first year they were accompanied by planes.

I almost missed them, I thought it was a helicopter flying over head - as that's a sound that we hear more often than you think.

I had just happened to plunk G in her pool right before they arrived, so there was no removing her to get a better look (or better angle for pictures).

She enjoyed waving to them.Occasionally one of the women on the backseats would see her & wave back.

This year the ride brought me to tears. You could see people looking towards the signs we'd made and then they'd honk their horns & wave. All of the bikes had small flags on them, a couple bikes had large flags on them. One rider wore a flag shirt! (Even a pick-up truck or 2 went by with large flags, POW MIA flags and a wheelchair in the bed.)
It seems silly to cry over a motorcyle ride. But it's more than that. Many of these men are veterans themselves, and I'm sure they all left a buddy or 2 over there. Some of these people may have known someone who served, or just felt compeled enough to pay tribute to all those who did.

We may all feel a little less than thrilled with those in our capital, but what makes this country truly amazing is the people that choose to fight for it, and the people who live in it.

Someday, when Tyson & I have another motorcyle, it's a goal of mine to join this tribute ride.
And drive past the porch we used to enjoy watching from.

Dream Interpretation

Sometimes dreams need no interpretation. They are obvious in their meaning. Or just really good representations as to what thoughts consume your mind during the day.

For example, my dream last night:

Ron Weasley (or perhaps Rupert Grint, it was not quite clear in my dream) joined the local Air National Guard unit. And I was somehow with him, every step of the way. Annoyed at his apparent lackadaisical approach to this complete life upheaval.

Yup. That about sums it up.

3 Down, 98 to Go!

Wow, I'm really making some head way on this list.
Of course, I seem to be hitting some of the easiest stuff first. But progress is progress. :)

G's Hair in Pigtails!!!

Seeing that for months this little girl was called "him" or "he" by strangers, even when wearing pink and covered with a pink flowery blanket - this is a very big moment for her Mama!!

2 Down 99 To Go!

Now it's a little sad that I actually had to write "Go 2 Days Without Checking Facebook" on my 101 list. But I guess it had to be done. I know I spend too much time on the computer & internet - and that's at work where I have no choice. My work is on a computer AND the internet.

It was just silly that I would then get home from work and spend another 15-30 minutes on FACEBOOK, not to mention any other website I may then visit.
Yes it's nice to see what my friends & family are up to, play a game or 2 and man it sure is easy to manage a family get together...but it was distracting my from my time with G, or my housework, or my husband or my 10,000 half-finished projects. It just wasn't worth my valuable evening time.

So I went 2 days without checking it - trust me it took a little effort to not just plop down at the computer while dinner was finishing up on the stove. But after the 2 days, I found I liked having that extra time. Not being "tuned in" with the computer and focusing on what's important.

It's forced me to create a new goal to not check it at all during the week. Not even sit down at the computer during the week. It's that likely, no, but 3 or 4 nights out of 5 isn't bad. And I really don't feel like I'm missing much. The glory of Facebook, everything will be there on the weekend when I have a few spare minutes to sit down.

1 Down, 100 to Go!

I get to cross off my first 101 in 1001!! I went somewhere in NY I’ve never been.

A few weeks ago Tyson, G & I went hiking at a state park not too far from us.

Originally I had not intended for this trip to count towards my 101. When I jotted down going somewhere new in the state, I meant a part of the state I’d never really been (Long Island or the Catskills being at the top of the list). But this state park ended up being a beautiful hike.

There were pretty incredible bluffs carved out by Lake Ontario.

We were able to play on a stone beach – the water was clear & blue, the sky was beautiful & bright and the sound of the waves was so peaceful. It reminded us very much of our trip to Acadia National Park.  

We even spotted 2 bald eagles, and I was able to shoot a picture of one of them. (Not the best shot though, I did not have my zoom lens with me.)

I knew I could count this as being somewhere I’d never been, when Tyson was looking over the pictures and said “If you didn’t tell anyone, they’d never know this place was actually in Upstate New York”. I know I sure didn't...and I LIVE HERE.

Even though I've checked this off my "list", there are still plenty more adventures to be had in NY.

I Don't Fit In

It's no secret that being in the military means uncertainty, jumping through hoops and perfecting the art of hurry up & wait. I knew all of this. However, my previous experience with it was very hands off. I felt very detached.
When Tyson was in the Navy I felt as if I didn't fit in anywhere. I wasn't a wife. I was a girlfriend or a fiance'. If something had ever happened to him, his mother would have gotten the news...not me. Not only was I just a fiance', I didn't even live in the same time zone, let alone get real exposure to military life.

I was able to visit his base in California twice. But lets be honest, I only got to see him every 3-4 months...I certainly was not focused on my surroundings while I was there.

Here we are at Round 2. I'm re-learning the uncertainty, the hoops, the hurrying & waiting. But this time it's different. I'm a wife. And a mom.
I realized the other day that I classify myself as a military wife. Look to the left of the screen and you'll even see that's the first thing I mention in my profile. I can tell you, it's not intentional, it is not to make myself sound special. I am proud of our military, I am proud of my family's history with the military. I, myself, would never have the guts to do it myself...so to say my husband is involved gives ME great pride. But to be part of this group is so overwhelming. There are so many other women out there who give SO MUCH MORE than me. I often feel ashamed of myself to even consider classifying myself with these wives who keep house, work & raise their children while their husbands are in harms way for 15 months.
I really feel like I don't fit in.

Do you ever have moments where you can link an ongoing feeling to an exact moment in time. While I was cooping with Tyson's very first time being on the ship, I found a navy SO message board. I never felt more like I didn't belong than I did on this board. Because I wasn't a wife. And now I'm a wife and I have no one else to belong WITH.

Tyson's national guard - not full-time active duty. And he's not just any national guard, he's air national guard. Do you know how many blogs & message boards there are for air national guard wives? None. At least that I've found.

I am desperate to make the most of this. To walk into this move with high spirits and only a handful of butterflies in my stomach. But I cannot shake the feeling that every single person on that base in Mississippi will think that I don't belong there. I have fears that everytime I flash my ID to get onto base, to go home, that they'll see right through me. (What I'm so afraid they'll find I'm not sure of...) Right now I have plans to NEVER leave base without Tyson, so I don't have to face security on my own. (Rational thinking, and a genius plan...don't you think??)

We still have no date, or even know what month this will all begin. There are always more invisible hoops that appear only after you've cleared the previous hoops and think you're beginning to see your destination. I have more time for this all to settle in. But I still can't shake that 'first lunch period, on the first day of high school and I don't know which table to sit at' feeling.

In case anyone was wondering WHERE this post came from. I got my military ID today. I'm officially a military wife. And the picture isn't half bad either.

Books, Books and More Books!

The better part of this morning was spent on Goodreads.com. (Don't worry, I worked more than I spent on there....I think....)

This site is awesome. I used to keep a small notebook in my purse to jot down book titles when I came across one that sounded interesting. But the notebook is MIA. So more recently I've taken to writing them down on post-it notes. And I'm pretty sure I've already lost one of them.
With this new discovery I have some place to keep a running list of all the books I want to read. Which is AWESOME. As of Noon, I had 81 books on my "to read" list.

If only I could find that notebook and add those titles, before it sprouts legs and runs away again. (Perhaps it's having an affair with my glasses, which have been missing for 2 months.)

Of course now I am convinced that I don't read nearly enough (which I don't) and that I must start doing so (which I really should). I'm learning that this blog seems to be a place where I over promise my time to some new obsession I've found. I really should figure out how to make changes in my life and STICK to it.

Perhaps I should find a book on that, add it to my list and read that first.

Father's Day

Yesterday was Father's Day.

I often struggle with this day, for reasons that I should not and will not get into on a public blog. Though it's no secret that my father was not in my life until I was 8...and even then wasn't a regular part of my life until I was 13. So let your imagination run wild with that.

But onto happier times. There is little in my life now that gives me more joy than watching G with her Daddy.

The past couple weeks have been tough for us with Tyson's work schedule. G has definitely let her Daddy know, somedays, that she is not happy with him. But then there are the days when she will drop anything she's involved in (including snack time) the minute the words "Daddy's home", come out of my mouth. To watch her run towards the front door jabbering "Da, Da, Da, Da!!"....makes all our "issues" meltaway.

She is definitely Mama's girl, but there are the times she gives her Daddy a big hugs or gets to play a little more rough with him than I let her...and that's what Daddy's are for.

Somedays it's a daunting thought to know I'm raising a daughter with my husband, without having been exposed to that family dynamic when I was a young child. Often wondering if we're doing this right. But watching a Father-Daughter relationship form right before my eyes is beautiful & breath taking.

  

      



We celebrated Tyson's Day by going to Bass Pro, lounging around on the party barge's & pretend we actually had the money to buy one, and then I cooked steaks for dinner, done in his favorite marinade. (The intent was to grill the steaks, but I forgot the propane tank went camping with my grandparents. So I'm happy to report my first attempt at broiling steaks went very well!) Happy Belated Father's Day to all the dads out there. Whether Biological, Step, Adoptive, Foster or otherwise.

So about that last post...

I just can't stay away. Notice how LONG that promised break was?

I often find myself thinking about something, or doing something, or thinking about doing something and I tell myself that I could put that on my blog.

But of course, I never get around to it. It seems as though this blog serves as a constant reminder of what I don't get done. That wears on me. The mental list I have of things that I don't get done, is really wearing me out.

I'll get honest for a minute - the evenings have been frustrating for me, and that is normally the time I would blog. Tyson works late (sometimes getting home around 9:00) and G is entering a frustrating stage of pulling everything she can out of everywhere she can. While also insists on screaming & hanging on me the entire time I cook dinner. It's just not a fun place to be. I struggle every night to keep my wits about me. To not get frustrated with G, because I know she's acting the way she does because SHE's frustrated. Though her Daddy's been home, she hasn't seen him since Sunday night. And she knows that I'm frustrated and tired. That after a long day of working and driving to & from home, work & the sitter, I would much rather order a pizza and play outside with her new pool, instead of making a good, healthy, inexpensive, home cooked meal and watch everyone melt to pieces.

So as much as I think about this blog as a measure of what I don't accomplish, it's also a healthy dose of a reminder. It helps me to keep in mind those things I wish to accomplish and work towards. To remind me of the mother & wife I want to grow into and be able to express that here. Not accomplishing things is not always a bad thing - it's called having goals. And where would we all be if we had all of our goals accomplished.

Of the other blogs I read, it always seems like THOSE Moms have it together. They have areas of life to focus on, to write about and to have diligent readers who read their thoughts. I just feel like a.giant.mess. No direction, just kind of floating around in waiting land. I have one baby, I'm not an expert parent with multiple kids, I don't have a house to decorate, or my own kitchen to cook an elaborate meal in. I'm a military wife, but the one that no one ever thinks about. The one in waiting. Waiting for the move, for the military life to start. I have "green" tendancies & thoughts, but I rarely put them into action. (I'm sure the not having my own house & land has something to do with that.) So really...I struggle with this blogs identity, because I struggle with my own identity. I know who I am, I'm just not quite fulfilling all of who I am.

Just as I am I constant work in progress, so is this little slice of internet here. For all 3 1/2 of those that read it.

All I can do is keep trying. And learn to not feel so guilty all the time. I do my best, and that should be plenty to be proud of.

Ta Ta For Now

I think I'm going to take another break from this blogging thing.
There's just so much else going on right now - that the only time I can find to blog is while at work - and that's just not right on my part. In many ways.

I may still do something sporatic here & there, especially has a start to make a dent in my 1001 in things. But that could be it for awhile.

Hopefully as some things start to calm down, and we finally begin to move onto our new adventure, then things will start to pick up around here again. But since like 3 1/2 people read this, I figured it wouldn't be a big loss to the internet. ;)

Day One of 1001

This week has been one of those weeks where my creative juices are flowing - yet I don't have much follow through. I have started a couple projects, but these are some ongoing things and will take a little bit more time & effort before they're finished. But I hope to finish them soon, so I can share them here. My first attempts at having an organized life & household.

Along those same lines, I've wanted to do 52 things in 52 weeks for many years. But it seems like such a short period of time to me. One year. I've also heard of 101 in 1001 days. Now THAT's more like it. Almost 3 years. I am a fan of commitment. Nothing says commitment like 94 days shy of 3 years.

It sounded like a good idea. Until I sat down to make my list. Let me tell you, that's not as easy as I thought. I had my vibe going and was getting excited over all the ideas I was coming up with. Both small & large. Random & Life Changing. And then I counted and I was only at 25. Oy vie. It took me a little bit, but I came up with 101 things. I decided to divide the list into 4 sections "To Make", "To Go", "To Do For Me" and "To Do With & For Others".

I'm going to share my list, so you can help hold me accountable. I have no idea if I'll even come close to completing all 101 tasks, but this could be fun.

My 101 things as follows:

To Make	To Go	To Do For Me	To do with & for others
Homemade Bread	Take an all day hike	Buy a label maker and become obsessed with using it	Move G to “big” bed
Sew Something	Go on a picnic	Have a meal with multiple courses	Potty train G
Cheesecake	Disney Vacation	Detail my jeep	Go on a date night w/Tyson
Homemade cleaning products	Sit on the beach w/yummy drink	Work part-time	Break G of the pacifier
“Real” meal over a campfire	Visit someplace new for weekend getaway	Start taking photography seriously	Play in the mud with G
Homemade tomato sauce	Camp at a national park	Get a dog	Become preggo with #2
Cheeseburgers on the grill with all the fixings	Go somewhere I’ve never been in NY	Try cloth pads	Take G to a playgroup
Homemade pretzels	Some kind of sporting event	Get mani/pedi	Have Wally cousins photo taken
Paisley curtains for G’s Room	Take G to Children’s Museum	Buy an entire outfit @ consignment shop for $20 or less	Have Ice cream for dinner
Beef Burgundy	Visit a zoo we’ve never been to	Have an HP movie marathon	Buy a house
Chocolate Trifle	On a road trip	Go 2 days without checking FB	Put G’s hair in pigtails
Guacamole	Ikea	Read a book chosen @ random, one I would not normally choose	Family portrait w/Tyson in uniform
Felt Play Food for G	Kayak in the Adirondacks	Relax w/a glass of wine for no specific occasion	Get a night off from the nightly routine
Military Frame Project	Cabella’s Store in PA	Catch up with printing pictures for photo albums	Get a promotion or change of responsibilities at work
Black & White photo wall	Go to NYC for another weekend	Donate items to someplace other than salvation army	Have Tyson make bed frame so we’re not sleeping on the floor
Recycled Frame wall organizer/chalk board	Try a new restaurant	Donate $ to National Parks	Run 5k w/Tyson & G
Salmon Cakes	Cooperstown	Get rid of unnecessary things	Take G Swimming for 1st time
Xmas Ornaments for family	See Fireworks w/G	Write a Xmas Letter	Buy *real* sneakers for G
Xmas Card Album	Meet up with a friend I haven’t seen in a long time	Send letter to a company that did something RIGHT
Card keepsake for G	Take G to baby gym or something similar	Read the entire bible
Bulk cook freezer meals	Camp somewhere in western ny	Drink more water
Peppermint Bark	Go to MS for Tyson’s tech school	Find a dentist I actually don’t mind going to
Soy candles	Washington County Fair w/ G	Pay off Jeep
Something from a recycled sweater	Take G to Disney Store and let her pick something out	Grow a plant & keep it alive
Will for Tyson & I		Compost (for real this time)
Health Proxy		Break something with a sledgehammer
		Trace at least 4 family trees to 1776
		Learn how to use make-up
		Organize negatives & photos
		Have more than 1 person follow my blog
		Make enough money doing photography to buy a new lens
		Take a day off from work for no reason and don’t feel guilty for it
		Have a massage

I'm happy to report that the list for Me is the longest. Sometimes I need a little reminder to focus on myself. (Like most moms do!)
You can tell I was getting a little punchy when I jotted down "Break something with a sledgehammer".
And yes...the get pregnant with #2 is listed under the "to do with or for someone else" category.

If I counted my days right, this 1001 days should end 2/14/2014 - which is kind of cool. The world is only predicted to end twice between now and then. I hope for the sake of this list, it doesn't. If we make it through tomorrow, we've got one of those dates out of the way. (Tell me I will not be the only person to do a happy dance while sticking my tongue out as we all celebrate the beginning of 2013?? This is getting old. But I guess that's another rant for another time. Sorry. I like tangents.)