So about that last post...

I just can't stay away. Notice how LONG that promised break was?

I often find myself thinking about something, or doing something, or thinking about doing something and I tell myself that I could put that on my blog.

But of course, I never get around to it. It seems as though this blog serves as a constant reminder of what I don't get done. That wears on me. The mental list I have of things that I don't get done, is really wearing me out.

I'll get honest for a minute - the evenings have been frustrating for me, and that is normally the time I would blog. Tyson works late (sometimes getting home around 9:00) and G is entering a frustrating stage of pulling everything she can out of everywhere she can. While also insists on screaming & hanging on me the entire time I cook dinner. It's just not a fun place to be. I struggle every night to keep my wits about me. To not get frustrated with G, because I know she's acting the way she does because SHE's frustrated. Though her Daddy's been home, she hasn't seen him since Sunday night. And she knows that I'm frustrated and tired. That after a long day of working and driving to & from home, work & the sitter, I would much rather order a pizza and play outside with her new pool, instead of making a good, healthy, inexpensive, home cooked meal and watch everyone melt to pieces.

So as much as I think about this blog as a measure of what I don't accomplish, it's also a healthy dose of a reminder. It helps me to keep in mind those things I wish to accomplish and work towards. To remind me of the mother & wife I want to grow into and be able to express that here. Not accomplishing things is not always a bad thing - it's called having goals. And where would we all be if we had all of our goals accomplished.

Of the other blogs I read, it always seems like THOSE Moms have it together. They have areas of life to focus on, to write about and to have diligent readers who read their thoughts. I just feel like a.giant.mess. No direction, just kind of floating around in waiting land. I have one baby, I'm not an expert parent with multiple kids, I don't have a house to decorate, or my own kitchen to cook an elaborate meal in. I'm a military wife, but the one that no one ever thinks about. The one in waiting. Waiting for the move, for the military life to start. I have "green" tendancies & thoughts, but I rarely put them into action. (I'm sure the not having my own house & land has something to do with that.) So really...I struggle with this blogs identity, because I struggle with my own identity. I know who I am, I'm just not quite fulfilling all of who I am.

Just as I am I constant work in progress, so is this little slice of internet here. For all 3 1/2 of those that read it.

All I can do is keep trying. And learn to not feel so guilty all the time. I do my best, and that should be plenty to be proud of.